It was one of the worst things I had ever been through. Yet, it became one of the most pivotal moments of my life. I nearly lost my ‘true love’ and I found my soulmate. All at the same time.
It was many years ago, those of you who know Curtis and I know how much we are enamored to each other. Those of you who don’t know us, grab a spot of tea and settle in for a story.
It was a few years ago. Curtis and I were both still quite immature in the way we saw US. He expected one thing, I expected something completely different. We had that fierce, ferocious kind of love where it was all or nothing.
We had spent a period of months arguing. Sitting in the bathroom, me on the pot with the lid down and him on the edge of the bathtub “whisper yelling” to each other so we didn’t disturb the children.
He was being overly protective and overly jealous of everything. I got mad at that and accused him of things that he swore he never did. It was a never ending cycle.
Well, it would end of course, and we would have a period of a few days where some excellent make-up smooches that led to more- would happen. Then we would bring up the same old arguments and it would start all over again.
After so long of this, we both called it quits. Not out loud, but we just knew that WE weren’t going to work. “Look. I’m going to leave, you’re going to stay…we’ll figure out the kids later.” and “We can’t do this, we can’t do US anymore.”
There really wasn’t anything else to say. What could we say? We were finished. Done. The US that us and so many around us were used to, just couldn’t exist. It hurt. It was torturous. I loved this man.
He looked for places to go, I looked for places to go. We kept putting off the “end date” because neither of us were ready to move on, and that neither of us knew how to function without the other. We were a team. We were THE team. And somehow, that all changed.
Finally, one day came around and we sat together on the bed and got ready to tell each other our plans. “We’ve got to talk” was the start of this tragic conversation.
As usual, we both started talking at the same time, only we said the same thing. “I don’t want US to be over.”
We didn’t hug, we didn’t steal a kiss, we didn’t go into full make-up mode…in fact we didn’t even look at each other. He told me to go ahead and I poured out what I was feeling. He never interrupted and then he talked. I too, kept my big mouth shut.
When we each got to the part where we said what we would do, I told him I would have moved far away. Out of state. He said he would have too.
When we talked some more, he asked me “where would you have gone?” I said, I didn’t know but probably down south somewhere. Where you have gone?
Then this non-demonstrative man, who does NOT watch and has NEVER watched “Once Upon a Time” grabbed my shoulders, looked in to my eyes and said, “Where ever you would have gone, I would have found you. I will ALWAYS find you.”
It wasn’t one of those stalker-istic threats, it was a promise. A promise from a man whom I loved. A man who loved me. A man who THOUGHT those words in his own head. A man who doesn’t watch fairy tale shows. But, he said the most fairy tale line in the entire world…to me.
“I will always find you.”
And then, he did. He found me. I found him. Larinna and Curtis again! We talked about all those things we kept bringing up and never fixing. We talked about all the stupid accusations we kept throwing around to hurt the other one, because we were hurting.
“I will always find you.”
It was different then, better. We learned so much from that period. That LOVE is worth fighting for. That your soulmate isn’t this perfect being who loves every singe thing about you as you do them. That your perfect person, is actually quite far from perfect…and so are you.
We realized that LOVE can conquer all. That it DOES conquer all, but only when YOU fight for love. Love isn’t this thing that exists. Love is what you do to make it exist. Love cannot stand alone. It has to be nurtured, it has to be cared for…and ultimately it has to be shared.
We still argue. We still go for days and we might not speak more than a couple stilted words to each other in that time. We still hurt each other, sometimes accidentally and sometimes just because we are jerks. But we know it’s all gonna be ok. We still get angry, but we know…
It’s not going to be easy, and it’s going to be the hardest thing we ever do. Meshing our bullheaded, stubborn, opinionated selves together to be this one incredible force is going to take the rest of our lives to do…and it will be worth every second.